Lasting Regret



Finally Colombo. I said, taking a breath of relief. It took me 6 months to convince myself that I had to solve things with Roger.

Roger and I met in Pondicherry in 2012, since then we have been together. We were happy. We worked in the same organization but in different departments. For instance, I was in the product development department and he was in mergers and acquisition. Our day started with hugs, kisses and black coffee and ended in cuddling with each other and sharing the day's story. 

Just then when everything was going good, in April 2018, Roger got promoted and had to relocate to Sri Lanka for the biggest assignment of his life. He was very excited. I was a bit sceptical as to where would this distance take our relationship but I maintained my calm as I knew it meant a lot to him.

Endless phone calls, few video calls and a simple message of I love you and I miss you, helped us to pull it off for the first 7 months. Then he got busy and I started getting angry about not getting enough time. We have had numerous small arguments and disagreement but nothing so serious that it could not be solved over a scoop of ice cream. As days passed by, we started having more arguments about almost everything. He felt that I did not understand, I felt he did not care about me anymore.

It took me 6 months to realise that it has always been him and I love him like no one else and wanted him to be in my life forever. I bought a pair of couple rings and decided I had to propose him. No, I did not think the way the society pressurizes to think, that a girl should wait until the boy proposes. I decided I had to meet him and confess my love and solve the disturbances we had amidst us. 

So I reached Colombo on 20th of April 2019. I went to his office with flowers and a ring and told him what I wanted to say. He was very happy. We hugged, we kissed and decided to sing praises during the Easter sermon and rejoice because we were finally engaged.

The church was unusually crowded. I remember we holding hands and standing near the church gates thanking the Lord for keeping our hearts connected even when the distance of miles separated us.

Suddenly we saw a woman walking strangely towards the altar, I thought she was going up for reading. Roger saw something and told me to stand where I was,  He said he felt something was wrong and went behind that lady to stop her. I ran behind Roger but before I could reach near him, I was blown away with a massive force. The force was so strong that for a moment I was unconscious and when I woke up, I saw everything was shattered. The church was turned into a graveyard. I could see burnt bodies lying everywhere. I was injured badly. I was  Limping and I could see burns on my hand, but at that moment all that mattered was finding  Roger.

There were ambulances, medical help and even police. The medical help at once came to me and asked me to accompany them to their van so that they could start their treatment. The whole place was a mess, a total anecdoche.

I denied them. They forced me. I told them to give me a moment. I told them I had to find my fiancee, my Roger. I went near the altar only to see a burnt body wearing a similar ring like mine. It was a bit melted though. But I knew it was him. It had to be him. I  screamed and cried and fainted. The medical aid brought me to the hospital. It's four days since this horrendous attack. 

Everybody lost somebody or something. Some lost family, friends. Others lost hope and faith. I lost my Roger. With him, I lost a part of me. I prayed and wished for my death too. I did not want to live yet another moment without him.

Today when I look back I regret all the moments I wasn't with him. I regret all the argument and disagreements that made me want to be away from him. I also realized that it's better to express love when you still have a chance.

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